a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Green mimosas i think yes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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