if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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