Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize