Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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