Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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