i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
