cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
