are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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