I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
