Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
