It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
ttyl tear gas
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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