i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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