So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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