Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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