So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
