Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
