I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
