Buhtt sex?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
