doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
