Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
