i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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