I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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