Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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