why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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