I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
