That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
