apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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