Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
