my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
