Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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