which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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