yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
