thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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