My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
