pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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