i think i have herpe
just one?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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