the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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