Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
