I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
