The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
