I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
