Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
