if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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