As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
this hospital has no fireball
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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