Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
