Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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