i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
