marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
