somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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