it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
