two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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