My room smells like vodka and shame
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
