I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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