i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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