I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
