Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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