when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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