There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
