I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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