girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
