He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
