And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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