My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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