I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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