afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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