i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
