I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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