last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
