If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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