I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
