if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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