ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
