U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
