As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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