Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
